(Just kidding, Folks!)
It took a while to get “the lay of the land” for this trip. The ship, RCCL’s, the Oasis of the Seas, was a large stunning ship, similar to the Symphony of the Seas we traveled on before. There were about 5,000 people on this ship, most of them over 85. Or 90. Could have been older.
Don’t get me wrong, there were at least two children on board. They were at 62 or 63. We saw them on both the Rock Climbing Wall and the Zip Line. They were stuck on the Rock Climbing Wall for two days but managed to be rescued from the Zip Line after only six hours.
The rest of the ship saw the reruns on the ship's "late-night" (6:30 p.m.) video channel as they were lowered to the ground. They repeated the video every day until we departed the ship. That couple was recognizable to every passenger and soon had been nick-named "The Dynamic Duo Dummies."
Every dinner was exciting, as well. We were forced to change our dining time to "late" dining which started at 2:30 p.m. because all the “early birds” in their electric scooters kept banging into us as we stood in line for our reservations.
One particular woman injured 17 people on the way from the elevator to her table. Then there was a couple who had been issued 13 citations for racing their scooters on the running track. Even though there was no one ever on that deck, the cruise line decided to put in stoplights to discourage further displays of speed.
"Late" dining was a challenge. Just imagine this. On the journey, our clocks changed so many times that we entered yesterday...twice. Days and nights were all mixed up. We were eating breakfast at 1 a.m., skipping lunches, and heading to dinner at an hour not feasible for marsupials.
Arriving at our table, we enjoyed watching thousands of people spit food across the table at each other for two hours. Staff even brought in a band to set the denture clattering to music.
Boy, was that appetizing!
Then again, we had great food. Mashed potatoes and gravy. Oatmeal. Mushed-up peas. Loads of pureed prunes! We loved it! And no issues with the bowel situations...at all.
We couldn’t tell the difference between the band drums and the gas being dispersed throughout the wonderful shows the crew put on either!
Though some of the people seemed a bit lethargic on board, we had no worries. The staff were able to haul out about 70% of the people who fell asleep during showtime. The loud music kept the snoring to a minimum for the rest of the crowd.
Speaking of singing. I would be amiss to not mention karaoke. Somewhere between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. each night, the Cruise Director would assist several "singers," to the stage. (I use that term loosely.) Then he would put on the latest hits for the "singers" to sing. If they actually made it to the stage, they forgot half (or all) of the words and mumbled the rest. The "newest" song out there was "Danny Boy" in the rendition of Ceaser Augustus. These people had survived longer than vegan Spam. They all got warm applause, as 99 per cent of the audience had turned off their hearing aids anyway.
Another fun thing. Our itinerary was changed 4 times.
Before we were an hour out of Miami, we had our first emergency. We had to head to the Bahamas to drop someone at an infirmary.
Hours after we were back on the high seas we had another situation that made us land in Bermuda.
And yet another in Ponte Delgada.
When another announcement from the Captain arrived telling us that someone else had an emergency issue, we could tell he was fed up. He mentioned that we are just dumping this one overboard.
So, we should make our next port on time. And back to the fun!
Most nights we were out dancing! Traveler #2 was like Mr. Fancy Pants. From out of nowhere, he thought he was a Flamenco dancer.
I ran to the room to get a jacket for him one night. We were supposed to meet at Bolero’s, a gathering place with a wonderful Spanish dance floor. We had a fantastic Latin band on board that played there every night. I swear I was gone no more than 3 ½ minutes and I got back to find him doing the Bachata with the ship's dance instructor.
Three-and-a-half minutes People, and he is dancing like he was born in Brazil! In no time, every old woman on the ship was jumping off their electric scooters and limping to the dance floor to dance the Salsa, Meringa, and Cumbria with Mr. "I Gotta Dance."
Ten minutes earlier, Traveler #2 couldn’t even tell you where South America or Spain was located! Now he is speaking Spanish fluently and ordering paella like he knows what it is.
And every time we passed one of these old broads for the rest of the journey, they were yelling out, “Miguel! Miguel!” and clapping their turkey-wobbling arms like they were at a Jimmy Dean concert. Thirty-three of them threw their “pantaloons” in his direction almost killing me. I could have used one of those pairs of undies as a hang glider had we been near a mountaintop. Oh yeah, the crowd went wild.
I had to lock him in the cabin until we reached Spain.
Maybe I should have mentioned that out of the 5000 people on board, 4996 of them were old women. Over 80. With dentures. And an electric cart. They were all loaded. And looking for a man. Or at least a man-looking woman.
I ordered room service until we arrived in Barcelona. We got off the ship at 1 a.m. as most of the old broads didn’t get up to pee until 2.
I got him off without incident...almost.
Having a ball! Will report more soon!
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